Can The Relationship With The In-laws Predict Divorce?

The holiday season is upon us, and many Michigan couples are pulling out decorations, making their gift lists and planning to spend time with both sides of the family. For some fortunate couples, dividing their time is not difficult or a point of contention. For others, even scheduling time with the in-laws can be a frustrating task. Some people joke about wanting a divorce after spending time with their in-laws, but the reality is that many couples have gotten divorced due, at least in part, to their spouse’s family.

There is no shortage of comedic material dedicated to the pitfalls of holidays with the in-laws. Mothers-in-law are notoriously portrayed as interfering in a couple’s relationship and being overbearing, nosy and even judgmental. Of course, not all mothers-in-law are like this, but that does not stop people from complaining — even jokingly.

Since this issue is such a topic of debate, many researchers have studied how these relationships shape a marriage. A sociologist at Michigan’s Oakland University discovered that how close parties come with their in-laws in the first year of marriage could be a predictor of divorce. He found that there was a 20 percent increase in the possibility of divorce for a woman who was close to her in-laws in the first year; however, when a man was close to his in-laws, his risk of divorce decreased 20 percent.

The sociologist speculates that this difference has to do with boundaries. Women tend to disagree with their mothers-in-law more frequently than men, despite the plethora of jokes to the contrary. Therefore, as the marriage moves beyond its first year, the openness and lack of boundaries during that first year may become increasingly frustrating, thus potentially adding to the possibility of divorce for women.

Obviously, there are many other reasons why couples divorce. In the end, those reasons become less important than getting through the process and starting over. This may be easier said than done if there are children involved. Just as the parties do not stop being parents, a person’s former in-laws may still be in the children’s lives. It may take some redefining of those relationships for everyone to get along — especially during the holidays.

Source: bostonglobe.com, The weird science of in-laws, Leon Neyfakh, Nov. 17, 2013