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The question is whether anger is better to hold onto during and after divorce or whether it’s ultimately self-destructive. Whether you’re getting a divorce in Michigan or elsewhere, you’re going to experience some predictable psychological and emotional affects. And you’ll be tempted to give in to the luxury of letting anger surge to the surface where it can be vented in glorious imaginary waves of self-righteous revenge.
There are some short-term benefits provided by anger. First, you can tell your horror story to others and get confirmation that you were good and the spouse was bad. You get to reassure your ego that you were in fact right all along. Secondly, holding onto anger seems to result in punishing your spouse in some awkward way, although in realty it may be hurting only yourself.
Next, anger relating to dissolution of marriage may raise your energy levels and allow you to fight back against the spouse. It’s true that too much passivity can facilitate being taken advantage of in the settlement negotiations. Finally, anger helps you to avoid feeling pain from all of the mistakes and regrets of the past.
But using anger to shield reality and hide pain is only a temporary palliative measure. Continuous anger diminishes your mood and makes you a grumpy, disagreeable and often-fearful person. Additionally, the National Institute of Health has listed numerous physical symptoms that anger can create, including but not limited to heart attack, high blood pressure, depression, headaches and eating disorders.
In Michigan or anywhere else, to get true peace of mind and a knowing self-confidence in your decisions after the divorce, you’ll need to transcend the disempowering seeds of anger. Let go of what has happened and accept the responsibility for where you are now. Be grateful for all the positive things in your life. Find new, exciting challenges and follow activities that can take you to new horizons of happiness and love. Finally, if you haven’t even entered into the divorce fray yet and all of this is brand new, it may be an opportune time to do first things first: consult with divorce counsel to determine the laws, options, procedures and strategy available in moving forward.
Source: Huffington Post, “After Divorce: Why It’s OK To Be Angry At Your Ex,” Cindy Holbrook, June 27, 2013