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Divorced fathers, especially those who don’t have sole custody of their children, often have a hard time knowing how to handle birthday and holiday celebrations after their divorce. The feel like they have every right to be a part of the celebration, and rightly so, but it can often lead to uncomfortable situations that put a damper on the occasion for the children and other family members in attendance. Some divorced parents reach agreements based on patterns (“You can have the kids for Thanksgiving, and I’ll have them for Christmas”), and others find a way to blend their celebrations and invite both parents and their new spouses or step children. While most divorced parents don’t work as well together, it’s important to come to a parenting agreement and follow it closely to ensure that every member of the family feels validated and able to participate in joyous occasions.
As a divorced father, it’s important to maintain an open mind about birthday and holiday celebrations. No matter how mad you might be at your ex-wife, you love your children, and that’s what counts. Find a way to work with your ex-wife to ensure that the needs and the desires of your children come first.
One of the best things a divorced father can do is plan a schedule far in advance of any birthday or holiday celebrations. Make sure that you and your ex-wife have clear expectations about how the day will go. If you can find a way for both of you to spend time with your children, then make sure you follow the schedule. Don’t show up later than you said you would, and conversely, don’t let your ex-wife disregard the agreement either.
Another good way to handle birthdays and holidays is to keep your children involved in the process. Ask them how they would like to spend the day. As hard as it may be to hear your child say that he would rather spend his birthday with is mother, honor that request and take a proactive approach by scheduling another time for the two of you to celebrate.
No matter what drove you and your ex-wife apart, your children will always hold you together. The best thing for you, your ex-wife, and, more importantly, your children, is to ensure that birthdays and holidays are times of celebration and enjoyment, not stress and guilt. If you’re preparing for a divorce and have concerns about custody and parenting time, contact Bailey Smith & Bailey today to request a consultation with a divorce attorney who specializes in helping men get the parenting time they deserve.