THE DIVORCE EXPERIENCE HAS COMMON OBSTACLES TO ANTICIPATE

For those considering a divorce, you can be assured that you’ll face certain obstacles and suffer through many unwanted experiences. It’s in the nature of the beast, and you’ll get used to taking the bad with the good. But always keep in mind that divorce in Michigan as well as anywhere else in the country, is something that some of us must do before we can recapture our center and move on to create and enjoy new horizons.

Once we get accustomed to knowing that our experience of divorce is derived from our own choices and self-determined mindset, we may begin to get a handle on controlling the experience rather than having it control us. If you have younger children, here you will perhaps confront your toughest obstacles. But all you can do is present your strongest, most composed and sociable side to your children.

Give them your attention and respect as much as possible. Assure them that this too will pass, and simply be there to comfort and assure them that all will be well. Possibly, the best gift you can give to your kids is to show them how a mature adult can function with grace in the midst of adversity.

If you have to see your ex-spouse date someone new, and even watch your children get along well with that new person, don’t lose your footing. Remember that the picture of strength and wisdom, or weakness and whining, that you portray is what your beloved family members will carry in their hearts about you for years to come. And, although you’ll wish to have a decent, civil relationship with your ex-partner, expect the emotions on both sides to flare at times.

Remember that here in Michigan and elsewhere many have gone through the same feelings, embarrassments and regrets that are associated with divorce. Try to remain prepared for those fiery moments, and make the best of it, keeping the long view in your attention. Just as the weak moments are inevitable, so are the strengths and joys of new adventures and discoveries ahead. Generally, what you put out is what you’ll get back.

Source: turnto23.c, “Considering divorce? Know that you will struggle with many things,” July 11, 2013